God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
