He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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