No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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