So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize