Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
