i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
