You're my little dorito
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
