Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
