my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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