I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize