I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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