I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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