you have to choose: penises or morals?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
