dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
