i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize