I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
