so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
