genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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