I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize