I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
