btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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