The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
