So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
