Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
