Just fell off a train. Bad.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
