he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
