the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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