I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize