WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize