i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
