i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
