before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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