I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
