why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
