At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
