don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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