Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
