sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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