Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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