none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
