Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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