Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
