I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
