And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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