also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
