Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
