i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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