Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
sarcasm needs its own font
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
