Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
