Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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