Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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