just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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