if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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