maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
