Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize