Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
