'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
now i know why i became what i already was.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
