Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
