my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
