Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
