Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize