yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Michael Bay diarrhea
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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