you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
