Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
