I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
