he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
