Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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