How'd it feel making her break her religion?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
