your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
