So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
