That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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