The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
