matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize