Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
