we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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