I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The convent might be a nice break from real life
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
